I never know when someone is hitting on me. Ever.
I cannot tell the difference between flirting and being nice so I always err on the side of caution and assume that everyone is just friendly…I was given a phone number yesterday by a man in a baseball cap that he had charmingly scrawled on the inside of a cigarette packet as I was throwing it away I thought of the below story and thought I would share the embarrassment with you dear readers.
I used to go to the post office a lot. Like every day a lot. And there was always this guy there in a gray pea coat, after seeing each other in there about 100 times we started to nod to each other as you do, until one day when it was particularly busy he came and stood next to me. We had a ‘hilarious’ exchange about packages and then his number was called. He turned to me and said “can I have your number?” confused I said to him “but yours has just been called and mine is like number 5688 or something” at that point he blushed and said “no your phone number” I fell in to a massive black hole of shame and embarrassment and I think I even stopped breathing for a few minutes before I managed to choke out ‘no’ I’m not even sure why I said no, the shock of it all probably.
I changed post offices.
I’m not going to bang on about this as it’s a sensitive matter that is close to everyone but I am doing the sparkle walk for cancer research.
It would be great if you could sponsor me even if its a penny. Guaranteed good vibes.
I am well known for having a startling knowledge of fairly useless information. Of course I will remember that a cat has 32 muscles in it’s ear but I have no clue how many bones are in a human body.
Here are some super awesome things I have learned this week.
5. Pulling electrical tape off your nipples really, really, really hurts.
4. Your foot is the same size as your forearm! Who knew?
3. Peanuts are explosive
2. Uncle Phil was Shredder! Mind blown!
1. If you type any celeb in to google followed by Bacon number it tells you how many degrees of seperation there are between them and Kevin Bacon.
My boss is stood next to me, my phone which I had left idly on my desk lights up my boss looks down at the picture of the massive penis that has just appeared on the screen….this is why I don’t do sexting (but I secretly do)
There are three reasons why I have ‘sexted’ in the not so distant past
1. I had a boyfriend, we were consenting adults and no one was going to show their mates or put it up on the internet.
2. I was having a flirtation with someone and suddenly thought oh crap I’m not good enough for this person. The way I gained control of this situation was to bring forth the filth. That way when it all fell through I could tell myself I was just after a bit of fun anyway. (I still use this tactic, I don’t know why I’m writing this in the past tense as if I am emotionally mature and have resolved any tragic issue I have)
3. It’s fun.
Be honest it’s as hilarious as it is erotic especially if the conversation is with someone who is linguistically challenged, one memorable bloke would in every message he sent my friend repeat how much he wanted to ‘rub’ her, the word still has us rocking with mirth and because he was the source of so much hilarity we have stayed in touch with Rubber Johnny and he still treats us to the occasional message.
Now I’m not an overly romantic woman, the idea of coming in to candle lit room strewn with rose petals makes me have a panic attack but I do like there to be an air of mystery. Having a nude photo of someone you have yet to see naked in the flesh is like someone unwrapping a present before giving it to you, it takes away some of the anticipation but on the flip side it might save you from something horrific. A conundrum I’m sure you will agree.
Do I think sexting or sending nude photos is bad? No I don’t, Do I think you should do it? If you are over 18 why the hell not.
I ask a lot from my hair, I want it to be big but not at all frizzy, I want it to be super soft but manageable enough for me to manipulate it into any shape I so desire, I had started to believe I was asking for too much until I found this product.
I was immediately seduced by it’s pretty bottle (pink of course) and no fuss instructions for use but my initial lust was turned to love once I saw how nice my hair looked.
It’s as simple as spray it on your head and blow dry (I did this upside down for extra oomph) there was a moment where I thought ‘Oh no sticky residue’ straight after I had finished drying but I ran over it with a boar bristle brush and all was well! Soft bouncy hair that with plenty of height and shine but the best bit is you get all of the aforementioned along with a manageability that I usually have to use a dry shampoo to achieve. I will buy this product again and again, and I’m sure is going to be added to my daily rotation.
Well done VO5!
Had a nice Saturday afternoon wandering around
The RAMM in Exeter.
It was the first time I have been since it has been
Refurbished and it was lots of fun and free!
Can’t beat a bit of fun free education!
4. New Post on Spicy Hen
My new post is up on the Spicy hen blog
It’s all about the perils of taking Mothers
Along on the big night. You can read it
It’s no secret that I’m partial to a bit Brook but she did disappoint me with her last New Look collection and I admit I didn’t buy a single piece. But my girl has redeemed herself with this tempting little bunch.
This top is perfect for curvy girls, with a nipped in waist and a peplum to hide wide hips and the lace sleeves are perfect if you are self concious about your arms.
The heels are to die for but I would avoid the trousers if you are larger than a size 10.
But nobody is perfect and this particular imperfection is the Leopard Print Prom Dress £39.99 worn out by Kelly at London Fashion Week
This is the Regina Doll Dress by the Lovely Ladies of Collectif
The neck line on Kelly’s version is very similar to Collectif’s original design and the fabric is a very close match too. So I say don’t waste your money on a cheap imitation and spend your hard earned cash at Collectif instead.
Shopping is stressful. You don’t need me to tell you that!
To help you on your way from High Street Hell to Shopping serenity here are my five top tips for a stress free shopping experience
5. Wear a strapless dress.
My ideal shopping outfit is my
black knee length strapless jersey dress.
It can be pulled down for trying tops on
and pulled up for trying trousers.
Not having to repeatedly pull your
top over your head is great as
not only does it stop you getting
all hot and flustered it reduces the
dragged backwards through a hedge look
that hair favours after having
man made fibre repeatedly pulled over it.
4. Call ahead.
If you are shopping for a particular
item it’s a good idea to call ahead
and ask the staff to keep it back for you,
most shops will do this if you ask nicely
and it stops the stress of not
being able to find your size.
3. Start Early
Dragging your ass out of bed at 8am
on a Saturday may seem like a pain
but you will thank yourself for it later.
Smaller queues for the changing room
and no pin-balling off other women
makes for a much more pleasant
2. Don’t stop for lunch
DO NOT stop and eat, only eat once
you have finished shopping,
trying to squeeze into XS disco pants
after Nandos will have a seriously
detrimental effect upon your self esteem.
1. Don’t forget the department stores
Most women I know never stray past the
make up counters but stores like
Debenhams are actually great;
the clever little concessions often
still have the coveted sizes that
have already sold out in the main stores
and with deals like 25% throughout
the store popping up fairly often
you can save yourself a few quid too.
I rarely paint my nails, usually
Because I make a mess of it and
For some reason they chip so easily
But I decided to for a change and
It’s got me quite excited. I plan
To buy some nail stuffs on ebay
So keep eyes peeled for photos
Of future nail attempts
Myself and the Nelemans went
To Exeter for a little day out,
We stopped and had lunch at Wagamamas
And they were sickeningly adorable as
1. Exeter Cathedral
I’m not a religious person but I love
Exeter Cathedral, it was built between
1112-1400 and is just the most amazing
Place, to think it was all built by hand!